Becoming McKenna

McKenna may not be my real name, and I may technically not be her, but she has become an alter ego of sorts for me. I know, that sounds totally crazy, like an imaginary friend, or an unrealistic expectation set for myself. But as much as I am not McKenna, at my core, that’s who I really am.

McKenna is everything I strive to be, she has no history, no bad qualities, no personal tragedy or trauma. McKenna is what everyone who has ever been there for me and supported me has wanted me to be.

But in order to become to McKenna, I must first discover who she is….?

McKenna is…..

  • Bold and fearless
    • Not fearless as in has no fears, but fearless as in looks her fears dead in the eyes and says “You don’t scare me” and disregards fear like you disregard trash thrown out on the street.
  • Happy and optimistic
    • Happiness hasn’t been one of those things that have been easily found in my life nor has a trusting optimistic viewpoint. The past can influence so much of the present, but McKenna has no past and no reason to be so bitter.
  • Sarcastic and witty
    • Okay, I am already very sarcastic and pretty witty on my own already but this is one of those things I wouldn’t give up for all the people who tell me that it’s hateful and mean. (Take a joke, or perhaps don’t be so dumb)
  • Confident and unafraid of opinions
    • I always believed if you faked it long enough it was real. That’s a freaking lie don’t fall for it. I am going to own everything I do as if my life depends on it, and I am not going to care what you have to say about it because it’s not about you. *cue shock gasps of horror*
  • Disciplined and organized
    • I am a chaotic tornado of clothes, ideas, emotions, good intentions (paving the way to hell) and unfinished projects. I will stick to a schedule if my life depends on it, which it kinda does, and I am going to start finishing EVERYTHING!
  • Fun and adventurous
    • Spontaneity is definitely not my strong point. In fact, the very thought of leaving with no plan is giving me a mini panic attack (deep breaths!). I wanna try new things, I wanna have fun, I wanna look back on a life that I lived, not a life that just kinda happened.

McKenna has only positive qualities to me and that’s because there is no room for negativity in my future. The filing cabinet in my brain that handles negative emotions is full and is being downsized in the mental remodel, so that’s gotta go. From today until it becomes irrelevant, I am going to ask myself whenever I feel doubt, insecurity, or fear, “what would McKenna do?” and then I am going to do that.

Day 3: Simba is not my friend!

Okay, so day 3…I’m still at it, not many hiccups today. My motivation to this is really hanging on and my positivity keeps growing.

I’m finding that with each namaste that I breathe, I feel lighter, more positive, and like my abs will revolt because today was basically the boat pose and moving Simba over the cliff was not something I look forward to doing again.

see this thing:

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It’s this pose…but you’re not smiling and you’re working your abs by rotating side to side moving Simba over the edge of Pride Rock.

Thanks Adriene, that’s cute and all…but we already did like 3 planks AND I DID A PUSH-UP! Be proud my arms are cooked spaghetti and can hold nothing…until now (insert side eye smirking emoji).

All in all great workout, fell on the TV stand switching up mat location and only lost balance once. I feel like it’s getting easier every day. Plus this writing about it helps me remember that I told people I was doing it next thing you know imma be doing the scorpion pose!

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Until tomorrow, Namaste MckennaCats

Day 2: I didn’t quit!

I would just like to say I deserve a participation trophy of sorts since I’m a millennial (just kidding) because I completed day 2 of my challenge for Yoga.

Now before you say anything about how it’s only day 2 let me explain!

I believe that the universe is a very powerful force that many cannot understand, most call the forces at work God, or Messiah, or possibly even Allah. But to me, I refer to it as good vibes and positive energy.

When practicing yoga, you attune yourself with something greater than yourself allowing your body and mind to be at ease and find peace if only for a moment.

It’s when you find that peace and let the universe conduct its will that truly amazing things will happen for you.

After day 1 of my 30 days of Yoga with Adriene (Day 1 if you’d like to test it out), I felt so much relaxation in my body and I slept magically. I cannot even explain the magic.

But most importantly, about 3o minutes after I leveled myself with the universe, the job I wanted to bad that I had been waiting to hear from emailed me back and offered for me to start today.

It was a sign from the universe, this job you ask? It’s with a dance studio and is offering me a way back into the life of dance I’d given up when I prioritized other responsibilities and I lost a part of myself that I often missed.

This is why I deserve a trophy for not skipping day 2 everyone! Instead of doing the yoga challenge this morning like I had intended I decided night was probably best to set me in a good mindset to then write about my day and go to sleep.

Well today I assisted in a baby ballet/tap class and oh my goodness the cute was so undeniable I could barely stand it, subbed 3 classes for a sick teacher which included a tap/jazz/ballet combo, ballet level 1 (which I had to do some vocab google for) and a performance team class.

It was exhausting, but there is no way to describe how much I loved it. I was terrified at first that I was going to mess up and that the kids wouldn’t listen to me, but by the end of the night I was fully confident in what I was doing and I fell in love with dance even more than I already was.

So when I got into my car to head home after 3 straight hours of dancing and stretching and technique my body was tired! But I took 30 minutes to talk to my fabulous roommate, and then said “you have to do this, it’s day 2, come on you have to do this”

And magically enough I was able to drag my tired soul to the mat and let me tell you Adriene doesn’t play with those planks y’all my abs are on fire but I love it so.

For once I feel like I may actually be able to finish something I’ve started.

Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go eat more fruit slices.

It’s been a minute

Hello there, It’s me again. It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to write. So I just spent a week volunteering for type 1 diabetes camp and I have 2 stories to tell you about this experience. The first is the most amazing experience I have ever faced that filled me with so much passion and joy…The second however is a story of injustice and the most ridiculous thing I have ever experienced.

Since I don’t want to tarnish the good memory of how these kids impacted and inspired me, I’m going to start with the good part first and then after that I’ll tell you all about how I much drama can hurt a good cause.

It’s a long story that may take me a bit, but I’ll keep you posted.

and a word to the wise you should never tamper with a writer.

Lovingly irritated,

McKenna Jean