Becoming McKenna

McKenna may not be my real name, and I may technically not be her, but she has become an alter ego of sorts for me. I know, that sounds totally crazy, like an imaginary friend, or an unrealistic expectation set for myself. But as much as I am not McKenna, at my core, that’s who I really am.

McKenna is everything I strive to be, she has no history, no bad qualities, no personal tragedy or trauma. McKenna is what everyone who has ever been there for me and supported me has wanted me to be.

But in order to become to McKenna, I must first discover who she is….?

McKenna is…..

  • Bold and fearless
    • Not fearless as in has no fears, but fearless as in looks her fears dead in the eyes and says “You don’t scare me” and disregards fear like you disregard trash thrown out on the street.
  • Happy and optimistic
    • Happiness hasn’t been one of those things that have been easily found in my life nor has a trusting optimistic viewpoint. The past can influence so much of the present, but McKenna has no past and no reason to be so bitter.
  • Sarcastic and witty
    • Okay, I am already very sarcastic and pretty witty on my own already but this is one of those things I wouldn’t give up for all the people who tell me that it’s hateful and mean. (Take a joke, or perhaps don’t be so dumb)
  • Confident and unafraid of opinions
    • I always believed if you faked it long enough it was real. That’s a freaking lie don’t fall for it. I am going to own everything I do as if my life depends on it, and I am not going to care what you have to say about it because it’s not about you. *cue shock gasps of horror*
  • Disciplined and organized
    • I am a chaotic tornado of clothes, ideas, emotions, good intentions (paving the way to hell) and unfinished projects. I will stick to a schedule if my life depends on it, which it kinda does, and I am going to start finishing EVERYTHING!
  • Fun and adventurous
    • Spontaneity is definitely not my strong point. In fact, the very thought of leaving with no plan is giving me a mini panic attack (deep breaths!). I wanna try new things, I wanna have fun, I wanna look back on a life that I lived, not a life that just kinda happened.

McKenna has only positive qualities to me and that’s because there is no room for negativity in my future. The filing cabinet in my brain that handles negative emotions is full and is being downsized in the mental remodel, so that’s gotta go. From today until it becomes irrelevant, I am going to ask myself whenever I feel doubt, insecurity, or fear, “what would McKenna do?” and then I am going to do that.

Day 4: *unintelligible noises*

Someway, somehow, I’ve made it through today. Although I woke up at probably noon thirty and then ate the most entertaining and filling breakfast of granola and yogurt

Although I woke up at probably noon thirty and then ate the most entertaining and filling breakfast of granola and yogurt, then sat in a parking lot for like 2 hours talking to my mom trying to figure out what to do, only to then go home and make 2 peanut butter sandwiches (yes I am 4) eat the rest of my pop chips, and then some pistachios, I still managed to do day 4 and I feel like death.

Not the fun death either, like the I should have been taking vitamins and eating healthy my whole life maybe then I wouldn’t feel so terrible all day death.

It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t had any caffeine today, and anyone who knows me knows Diet Coke is my life blood.

I am holding on, dramatically, by a thin string to life today.

Maybe the apple slices and Netflix will make it better.

*oh and you should totally watch that Trevor Noah special it’s hilarious*

Oh yeah, the yoga did help some, I pretty much ignored that part of today. I’m not used to doing it before 8.

Day 3: Simba is not my friend!

Okay, so day 3…I’m still at it, not many hiccups today. My motivation to this is really hanging on and my positivity keeps growing.

I’m finding that with each namaste that I breathe, I feel lighter, more positive, and like my abs will revolt because today was basically the boat pose and moving Simba over the cliff was not something I look forward to doing again.

see this thing:

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It’s this pose…but you’re not smiling and you’re working your abs by rotating side to side moving Simba over the edge of Pride Rock.

Thanks Adriene, that’s cute and all…but we already did like 3 planks AND I DID A PUSH-UP! Be proud my arms are cooked spaghetti and can hold nothing…until now (insert side eye smirking emoji).

All in all great workout, fell on the TV stand switching up mat location and only lost balance once. I feel like it’s getting easier every day. Plus this writing about it helps me remember that I told people I was doing it next thing you know imma be doing the scorpion pose!

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Until tomorrow, Namaste MckennaCats

Look into my Crystal Ball

Come one, come all, take a look into my crystal ball. Let’s take a journey into the future shall we? Oh somethings coming in, its a foggy image, but it looks like it says its 10 years from now. Let’s see where I am in 10 years… Continue reading “Look into my Crystal Ball”